You know the junk drawer? Maybe it isn't even a drawer, but it's that place that just seems to accumulate the miscellaneous thingamajigs that don't get thrown away. You know, the little plastic doohickey from something, or the odd metal dealy with the flanges? I've got a few of those odd, unidentified things in my brain. Not literally of course, except for the crayon lodged up my nose that's been lowering my IQ. No, wait, that's Homer Simpson.
No, these are some odd little memories, or dreams, or memories of dreams. Sometimes I'm not even sure which. These are things that I've been carrying since earliest childhood; indeed, they are some of my earliest memories. And I still can't make much sense of them.
1. This is thing I think of as my earliest memory, and it's stuck with me and bothered me most of my life. It's an image, and an feeling of where I am. I'm in a large, dimly lit room or space. I'm looking up, I think I'm lying on my back. The ceiling is a kind of flat, corrugated steel sheet, the wavy steel sheets often seen in rural areas, but I don't have the feeling this an agricultural place. The air is cool, not cold or uncomfortable though. I think I'm lying on bare wood. And that's it. That's the memory. It's been with me as long as I can remember. And I have no idea if it was a real place or what. It's actually been kind of a haunting feeling. Strange.
2. The next was a recurring dream I had through most of childhood, and once or twice since. It starts with a feeling/image of old, wet wood, slightly rotting. The air feels close and heavy, like just before a thunderstorm. There is light where I am, but the distance background seems dark. Next, there is a huge *something*, I guess best described as a gigantic, white tidal wave, but almost solid, and without texture. It is smooth and even everywhere. And I feel like it is taking me, and carrying me away. And there is a feeling of power, and noise, but in dream logic, there is actually no sound.
3. Another dream from childhood, and possibly the oddest one and the hardest to describe. This one seemed to happen when I was sick and feverish. It was very odd, and seemed to involve very massive (as in actual weight) blocks. But I could actually "feel" their massiveness. The colours were kind of dim, yellow/gray/brown. And I didn't feel that it was so much me observing this, as I was a point moving through it. The blocks moved but didn't, but spatially, things did not seem to follow the usual geometry or 3 dimensional rules as real life. They seemed to change in size, mass and position as my point moved through them, even though, somehow they didn't actually change. It almost seems (now) like a kind of synethesia (mixing up of senses).
I have no idea what any of these mean, if anything. The first one, as far as I can recall, only occurred once, and I don't think it was a dream. But it seemed so strong and important that it has stuck with me. The other two were dreams that kept coming back year after year.
They likely mean nothing at all. Just the disjointed creations of a young, growing mind. Still, I get that kind of 'that's a bit creepy' feeling when I think about them.
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