The Downward Spiral

I think I may be starting to lose my mind. I've joked many times in the past about being a bit crazy, but who hasn't? This time is different.
This started maybe 2 years ago. I was feeling crappy about my job. Often it just seemed overwhelming and hopeless. It didn't help that the new boss was a complete shithead. I was feeling powerless and scared that I would be fired arbitrarily: that was the way management seemed to be acting. It turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Often when these feelings were strongest I'd react by lashing out in anger at stressful situations, though never violently or directly at anyone. Although the boss was the butt of many a half-joking slam.
Things on the home front weren't great either. Money has always been a problem. No matter how much was coming in, it seemed that more was being spent. It was at the point where there was no point in arguing about it. Better to just shut up and live with the fact that we'll always be in debt. Then there was the reproductive stuff. I'd finally got to the point where I felt ready to be a father, when we find out that may be a problem. Then the pregnancy. Then the miscarriage. Hopes go up, slam them down again. This just compounded with the work stuff.
Late last year I'd had a verbal warning because of an angry outburst. All was fine until June when there was another. Then in August someone apparently reported that I'd had a freak-out over missing safety glasses. I had not freaked out. But that didn't seem to matter. I was fired two days later. Of course they never actually told me that this was the reason. You know, I'd seen other employees there with far worse histories of blowing their cool, and nobody ever said boo about it. But they fired me, possibly destroying my career.
I'm not saying my behaviour wasn't wrong, but I don't think you throw someone away for having a few problems.
Anyway, now it's almost 4 months later. I've had a half a dozen interviews in that time and not one job offer. I've got 10 years experience and plenty of relevant skills. What the hell is wrong with me?!
So my mood is up and down, mostly down this week. And I can't sleep. I can't get the whole rotten mess out of my mind. It keeps going around and around. I think of the day it happened, how bad I felt, how stupid I was for losing my cool, how much I hate my ex-boss, how much I miss my old coworkers, and what will happen if I don't find something soon.
I need to get something. Not just for the money, but mostly for my self esteem. I need to feel useful, valuable. Now I just feel like a fucking loser, a screw-up, a waste of oxygen. And all these feelings build on each other. And I have to admit I've been having some pretty dark thoughts lately. I'm not ready to do anything about them yet, but I'm afraid the time may come.
Twelve years ago I was in a similar mess. I'd graduated and couldn't find work. I was forced to sell the house I grew up in, and I was feeling useless and stupid. It seems like everything I've worked so hard for in that time is going to be lost. That just depresses me even more.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
So here I am at 3:25am, writing this because I can't sleep. I really feel like the hairline cracks are starting to appear. I pray to God, Odin, Zeus, Vishnu, Cthulu, or whoever that the nuke plant hires me. They're my only hope at this point. If that falls through, I hate to think how I'll react.
Merry fucking Christmas.