Ok, first post in a while. My lack of updates has been due to a couple of factors: large doses of overtime in the last month while lending my support to the maintenance shutdown (called an outage) which tired me out (60 hrs per week for a month); forgetfulness: I would think of something to write, but by the time I was actually I would forget what I wanted to say, or get distracted by something else; or simple laziness.
A man's got to know his limitations.
Today I was speaking with my friend B-meister, and he was telling me about some of his stresses at work. I do a car-pool type of thing with B, as he works at the same company (different building), and he often talks about work and the very impressive sounding projects he's working on. B is probably one of the smartest and most self-motivated and driven people I know. Understand that I went to university for engineering with B, back in the early 1990's. I managed to get through and graduate from that. Graduation was followed by a hell of a tough time finding work, followed by several increasingly better paying jobs, ending last year. Various people, including B, told me how smart I was because I was able to get through the program and get the degree, etc. However, it seemed every time I turned around, either when looking for a job or when actually doing it that I was often sadly lacking in certain background skills and knowledge, or would make errors that would make me fell like I didn't belong there. Often this caused a paralyzing lack of confidence in actually doing some tasks.
Since grade school I'd always had people telling me they thought I was intelligent, yet my grades were rarely stellar. High school was the same and I was just able to squeak into university. First year U was ok, but after that it was a gradual downward slide, and I ended up taking an extra 2 years to finish. All along though, I was around some very intelligent and capable people, and some self confidence seemed to rub off.
This confidence, and the high expectations I had for myself didn't seem to pay off though. Like I said, real life results didn't measure up. I'd also occasionally hear about the accomplishments of my former peers, and compare mine unfavourably. The last year or so, with getting fired and all, have forced me to re-examine my abilities. I've come to the realization that I'm not as smart as I thought I was, and I likely won't accomplish anything hugely impressive. I'm just an average guy. And I think I'm ok with that. My self image has changed, along with my ambitions. I guess this is just part of my recent experiences, and getting older and, I guess, slightly wiser. Now I think I'll be happy with just doing my job decently, and not screwing up too much. I'll go to work, do my job, and come home. I'll live my quiet little life and just try to be content with what I am, and let others do the great things and suffer the stresses involved.
3 comments:
Don't ever confuse who you are with what you do. I don't think you're average...if you are, there are a whole hell of a lot of morons out there.
Aww, hon... Would I have married a dumb guy? I think not. One of the things that drew me to you was that I could learn from you and converse with you in a manner that challenged me.
That you have a cute butt, didn't hurt...
I'm not saying I'm stupid or anything like that, just that I've aimed too high in the past. I shouldn't be trying to compare to people like B in something they are clearly better at.
As Slartibartfast said, "I'd rather be happy than right."
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