Post Christmas Rambling, in which life is pretty darn decent, all things considered.

Well, here it is, Boxing day (that's the day after X-mas for those who don't know). Boxing day, from what I understand, started out way back in England as a day when folks gave gifts of cash or durable goods to those of lower classes (gifts between equals being given the day before). A simple google search thing will reveal more, I'm sure.
Anywho, the big day was fairly decent, I really must say. Lots of useful gift cards and cash, lots of chocolate (I'm an addict, but even now I feel bloated and ill just thinking of another piece of the heavenly brown stuff). Spousal unit gave me a DVD of The Maltese Falcon. Yes, I know it's an old movie, but one that I love; the dialog is classic film-noir-hard-boiled-detective patter. She also gave me a sketchbook and some pencils & sharpeners so I can practice my drawing skills. I had picked up a book on drawing technique a while back. It will be something to do while I'm away starting the new job. And I received two Neil Gaiman books. Awesome stuff. Anybody who likes fantasy and/or sci-fi must read some of his stuff. I recommend American Gods or Neverwhere. Or you could try the sampler with Smoke & Mirrors, a collection of short stories.

Ah, yes, the job. The medical check was completed and mailed off last week. As soon as the security check is done (assuming all is ok, and I'm not mistaken for a member of the Necrophiliac Liberation Army or something), they should let me know the start date. Then I can find a place to stay while the real-estate game begins. But at least I'm not worrying about the future and how I'll support myself and the spousal unit. That is the best gift of them all, in my mind.

The relocation thing is my only real worry at this point. I dread packing up and cleaning this place, and going through all the mess of selling it and buying another place, and re-doing the mortgage. Not because I have any particular sentimental attachment to this house (after moving so many times in the past 15 years, that just doesn't happen), but just because it will be a monstrous pain in the ass.

What? Good news? Again?!!

Al...most.....there........
Yesterday I went to the Atom Mill to fill out some paperwork for security checks, etc, and get the forms for my doctor to fill out for the health check. There was also a conditional offer of employment (pending the security and health things), which I promptly accepted. WOO-HOO!!!! It isn't confirmed yet, but I'd call it 95% done. I have no criminal record, or ties to disreputable types, and I'm in quite good health, despite being overweight. The other job I was up for may still be possible as well, as they were not able to complete the reference check until just 2 days ago. So I'm feeling pretty good today, and it looks like this X-mas will be a happy one.

"If I'm not a safety whatchamajigger, I'm nothing!" -Homer Simpson.

Thought #9478B, section 5

I was recently enjoying a look through some of my old Calvin & Hobbes books and lamenting Watterson's self-imposed exile. As I recall, one of the reasons he abandoned the whole comic world was the restrictive format required by the newspapers. He hated being force to use x number of panels and such-and-such layout, and the constantantly shrinking size. So he quit after 10 years.
Well, how about this: forget the newspapers entirely, go direct to books. He would be free to use any format he wanted. Strips wouldn't even have to end at one page. How about a huge, multi-page epics? I know I would buy any new C&H books released.
Can't find a publisher? I doubt any publisher would be idiotic enough to pass up this opportunity. Even if they did, thanks to the wonderful modern world of the internet pipes, he could self-publish and market them through Amazon or something similar. I don't see any insurmountable technical problems.

But perhaps he just grew tired of doing it. Maybe it was better to stop while it was still fresh and good. C&H never jumped a shark, and so will be remembered that much more fondly. Always leave them wanting more.

"That was totally wicked!"

Yesterday I went to see the new James Bond movie, "Casino Royale", with the new guy Daniel Craig. In the past, any time a new Bond actor came along he was often greeted less than enthusiastically. "Well, he's ok, but he's not as good a Connery", is a typically review. I must say that I was impressed. Craig plays Bond very similar to Connery: he's not as slick as Moore or Brosnan, but still has style, and is nastier and colder, just as you would expect from someone who is essentially an assassin. I think Mr. Craig pulled it off brilliantly. He's as good if not better than Connery, but I didn't feel he was trying to copy him. I hope he sticks around the franchise for a while.
As for the movie itself: an excellent Bond film. It had more of the feel of some of the early films, not as flashy/comic-book-like as later ones. There are still gadgets, but nothing implausible. Things like bio-monitor implants, cell phone tracking, cell phone activated bombs which are certainly up to date, but not fantasy items. The action sequences were amazing! I've seen a lot of action movies in my time but this stuff really thrilled my old, jaded self. Some of the stunt work alone is worth the ticket price (the foot chase through the construction site at the beginning has to be seen!).
The women (a Bond film staple) are certainly up to par as well. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
And I must mention the cars. In a nice tip-o'-the-hat to the old films, there is a rather nice 1964 Aston Martin DB5 just like the one in Goldfinger.

But the thing that stirred my lust was the absolutely gorgeous DBS. God, but that is one beautiful car! The sound of it tearing out of a parking lot in one scene actually gave me shivers! They didn't have nearly enough of it for my liking.

No, the film wasn't perfect. There were a couple of slower bits, but these are greatly overshadowed by the rest of the film.
Anyway, if you're a Bond fan or ever have been, SEE THIS MOVIE!

And now the roller coaster goes up again...

Something is happening! I rec'd an email from ye old atom mill requesting my presence at a 'viable candidate pre-screening'. The way they describe it is basically filling out paperwork for medical and security checks. Well, I'm overweight but otherwise very healthy; and I can't think of any reason for having a security check problem. So it should be no problem. At least it's another step forward.
Now, of the two jobs I applied for there, this is my second choice. But that's ok. It's a job and a new start. And there is room to move up there. I'm ok with that.

I will keep checking for things around here in the meantime, but this takes some of the stress off.

Into the Total Perspective Vortex with you!

After a depressing post like the last one, sometimes it helps to get a little perspective.

(note: ignore the chair-dancing fat guy)

If this doesn't affect you in some way, you have no soul.

The Downward Spiral

I think I may be starting to lose my mind. I've joked many times in the past about being a bit crazy, but who hasn't? This time is different.
This started maybe 2 years ago. I was feeling crappy about my job. Often it just seemed overwhelming and hopeless. It didn't help that the new boss was a complete shithead. I was feeling powerless and scared that I would be fired arbitrarily: that was the way management seemed to be acting. It turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Often when these feelings were strongest I'd react by lashing out in anger at stressful situations, though never violently or directly at anyone. Although the boss was the butt of many a half-joking slam.
Things on the home front weren't great either. Money has always been a problem. No matter how much was coming in, it seemed that more was being spent. It was at the point where there was no point in arguing about it. Better to just shut up and live with the fact that we'll always be in debt. Then there was the reproductive stuff. I'd finally got to the point where I felt ready to be a father, when we find out that may be a problem. Then the pregnancy. Then the miscarriage. Hopes go up, slam them down again. This just compounded with the work stuff.
Late last year I'd had a verbal warning because of an angry outburst. All was fine until June when there was another. Then in August someone apparently reported that I'd had a freak-out over missing safety glasses. I had not freaked out. But that didn't seem to matter. I was fired two days later. Of course they never actually told me that this was the reason. You know, I'd seen other employees there with far worse histories of blowing their cool, and nobody ever said boo about it. But they fired me, possibly destroying my career.
I'm not saying my behaviour wasn't wrong, but I don't think you throw someone away for having a few problems.
Anyway, now it's almost 4 months later. I've had a half a dozen interviews in that time and not one job offer. I've got 10 years experience and plenty of relevant skills. What the hell is wrong with me?!
So my mood is up and down, mostly down this week. And I can't sleep. I can't get the whole rotten mess out of my mind. It keeps going around and around. I think of the day it happened, how bad I felt, how stupid I was for losing my cool, how much I hate my ex-boss, how much I miss my old coworkers, and what will happen if I don't find something soon.
I need to get something. Not just for the money, but mostly for my self esteem. I need to feel useful, valuable. Now I just feel like a fucking loser, a screw-up, a waste of oxygen. And all these feelings build on each other. And I have to admit I've been having some pretty dark thoughts lately. I'm not ready to do anything about them yet, but I'm afraid the time may come.
Twelve years ago I was in a similar mess. I'd graduated and couldn't find work. I was forced to sell the house I grew up in, and I was feeling useless and stupid. It seems like everything I've worked so hard for in that time is going to be lost. That just depresses me even more.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
So here I am at 3:25am, writing this because I can't sleep. I really feel like the hairline cracks are starting to appear. I pray to God, Odin, Zeus, Vishnu, Cthulu, or whoever that the nuke plant hires me. They're my only hope at this point. If that falls through, I hate to think how I'll react.
Merry fucking Christmas.

Why is "Human Resources" so evil?

I think Scott Adams nailed it dead on when he made the evil director of human resources into a cat. HR people seem to like cruelly playing with folk's lives and careers much like a cat plays with a bird or mouse before eviscerating it. I've met damned few of them who didn't strike me as secretive, lying, back-stabbing, and often arbitrary in their dealings with employees. I'm bitter because yesterday I received a FOAD letter (F&%$ Off And Die)from a place I interviewed at a couple of weeks ago. I thought the interview went well and I presented myself well, in spite of being in the middle of the worst cold I've had in the last 5 years. But, no, I get this letter saying "Upon careful consideration of your qualifications and experience, it is with regret that we must notify you that you have not been selected...." bla bla bla. Listen, I've got 10 years experience in just about every aspect of the job that was explained to me. I could do the stinkin' job with both eyes closed and a hedgehog jammed down my pants! Of course they don't provide any potentially useful information about where I was lacking.
Pardon my bitterness. Actually, most places aren't even nice enough to let you know. They just leave you hanging. I'm just upset because the whole job search thing is moving way too slow.
And I'm still waiting to here from the nuclear plant.
Rejection, suspense, and domestic issues are not doing wonders for my moods. I've been pretty good for a while, but yesterday I feel into a deep funk. Spousal unit and I got into a bit of an argument over it. I am really starting to worry about my sanity. I think I have an anxiety problem. (no kidding!)
But, today I went to the gym and did some lifting for the first time in almost 2 months. Currently my brain is swimming in endorphins and I'm pretty mellow.

{attention span expired}

"Well here's your problem!"

Heard about the Russian ex-spy in England who died from radioactive polonium-210? Maybe the problem was just his choice of restaurants.

Mad Political Ranting

Oh boy! The Liberal Leadership convention! What excitement! What drama! What a load of crap! This weekend the Liberal party of Canada are having a little get together to pick a new leader, and just about every bloody channel is carrying the whole boring mess non-stop. They seem to think the average Canadian actually give a flying fuck which particular slime-drenched thief is going to be the nominal head of this pack of asses. Ok, so let's assume I'm not typical, and that quite a few folks will actually watch this political daisy chain, complete with reacharounds. So why do we have to have nothing but this drivel?! How many times can the reporters talk about the same meaningless item as if it was the key to survival of the species? "Well, Fred, as we've just heard, Ignatieff is wearing black socks today. What could this mean? Reporter Lester O. Twoevils asks the janitor, since it's 2am and we've asked everyone else..."
Ultimately they're going to pick yet another hyperweasel to steer this dinosaur of a political party. Remember these are the same folks who threw away billions of our tax dollars through incompetence and corruption. Can anyone seriously think the new boss (singing: same as the old boss), will be any different?
Apparently some do. The folks at this stupid thing, who apparently have nothing better to do than engage is this idiotic masturbation, seem to actually believe these leaders are somehow superior to the last batch of parasites! When I see one of these glassy-eyed zealots being interviewed, I can see that he truly believes that Bob Rae, or Michael Ignatieff, or Smedly the Astro-chimp, or whoever, is the new Liberal messiah here to lead the chosen delagates to the promised bla, bla, bla. Am I too cynical, or are these people a bunch of sheep? And guess who's wearing the oversized hip-waders... I can just imagine a bunch of them chanting "Kill the heretic!", and preparing to sacrifice a conservative to the ghost of Trudeau.
Ok, that's enough venom. I'll just go back to grumbling about converage of this thing interrupting my Simpsons reruns.