Post Christmas Rambling, in which life is pretty darn decent, all things considered.

Well, here it is, Boxing day (that's the day after X-mas for those who don't know). Boxing day, from what I understand, started out way back in England as a day when folks gave gifts of cash or durable goods to those of lower classes (gifts between equals being given the day before). A simple google search thing will reveal more, I'm sure.
Anywho, the big day was fairly decent, I really must say. Lots of useful gift cards and cash, lots of chocolate (I'm an addict, but even now I feel bloated and ill just thinking of another piece of the heavenly brown stuff). Spousal unit gave me a DVD of The Maltese Falcon. Yes, I know it's an old movie, but one that I love; the dialog is classic film-noir-hard-boiled-detective patter. She also gave me a sketchbook and some pencils & sharpeners so I can practice my drawing skills. I had picked up a book on drawing technique a while back. It will be something to do while I'm away starting the new job. And I received two Neil Gaiman books. Awesome stuff. Anybody who likes fantasy and/or sci-fi must read some of his stuff. I recommend American Gods or Neverwhere. Or you could try the sampler with Smoke & Mirrors, a collection of short stories.

Ah, yes, the job. The medical check was completed and mailed off last week. As soon as the security check is done (assuming all is ok, and I'm not mistaken for a member of the Necrophiliac Liberation Army or something), they should let me know the start date. Then I can find a place to stay while the real-estate game begins. But at least I'm not worrying about the future and how I'll support myself and the spousal unit. That is the best gift of them all, in my mind.

The relocation thing is my only real worry at this point. I dread packing up and cleaning this place, and going through all the mess of selling it and buying another place, and re-doing the mortgage. Not because I have any particular sentimental attachment to this house (after moving so many times in the past 15 years, that just doesn't happen), but just because it will be a monstrous pain in the ass.

What? Good news? Again?!!

Al...most.....there........
Yesterday I went to the Atom Mill to fill out some paperwork for security checks, etc, and get the forms for my doctor to fill out for the health check. There was also a conditional offer of employment (pending the security and health things), which I promptly accepted. WOO-HOO!!!! It isn't confirmed yet, but I'd call it 95% done. I have no criminal record, or ties to disreputable types, and I'm in quite good health, despite being overweight. The other job I was up for may still be possible as well, as they were not able to complete the reference check until just 2 days ago. So I'm feeling pretty good today, and it looks like this X-mas will be a happy one.

"If I'm not a safety whatchamajigger, I'm nothing!" -Homer Simpson.

Thought #9478B, section 5

I was recently enjoying a look through some of my old Calvin & Hobbes books and lamenting Watterson's self-imposed exile. As I recall, one of the reasons he abandoned the whole comic world was the restrictive format required by the newspapers. He hated being force to use x number of panels and such-and-such layout, and the constantantly shrinking size. So he quit after 10 years.
Well, how about this: forget the newspapers entirely, go direct to books. He would be free to use any format he wanted. Strips wouldn't even have to end at one page. How about a huge, multi-page epics? I know I would buy any new C&H books released.
Can't find a publisher? I doubt any publisher would be idiotic enough to pass up this opportunity. Even if they did, thanks to the wonderful modern world of the internet pipes, he could self-publish and market them through Amazon or something similar. I don't see any insurmountable technical problems.

But perhaps he just grew tired of doing it. Maybe it was better to stop while it was still fresh and good. C&H never jumped a shark, and so will be remembered that much more fondly. Always leave them wanting more.

"That was totally wicked!"

Yesterday I went to see the new James Bond movie, "Casino Royale", with the new guy Daniel Craig. In the past, any time a new Bond actor came along he was often greeted less than enthusiastically. "Well, he's ok, but he's not as good a Connery", is a typically review. I must say that I was impressed. Craig plays Bond very similar to Connery: he's not as slick as Moore or Brosnan, but still has style, and is nastier and colder, just as you would expect from someone who is essentially an assassin. I think Mr. Craig pulled it off brilliantly. He's as good if not better than Connery, but I didn't feel he was trying to copy him. I hope he sticks around the franchise for a while.
As for the movie itself: an excellent Bond film. It had more of the feel of some of the early films, not as flashy/comic-book-like as later ones. There are still gadgets, but nothing implausible. Things like bio-monitor implants, cell phone tracking, cell phone activated bombs which are certainly up to date, but not fantasy items. The action sequences were amazing! I've seen a lot of action movies in my time but this stuff really thrilled my old, jaded self. Some of the stunt work alone is worth the ticket price (the foot chase through the construction site at the beginning has to be seen!).
The women (a Bond film staple) are certainly up to par as well. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
And I must mention the cars. In a nice tip-o'-the-hat to the old films, there is a rather nice 1964 Aston Martin DB5 just like the one in Goldfinger.

But the thing that stirred my lust was the absolutely gorgeous DBS. God, but that is one beautiful car! The sound of it tearing out of a parking lot in one scene actually gave me shivers! They didn't have nearly enough of it for my liking.

No, the film wasn't perfect. There were a couple of slower bits, but these are greatly overshadowed by the rest of the film.
Anyway, if you're a Bond fan or ever have been, SEE THIS MOVIE!

And now the roller coaster goes up again...

Something is happening! I rec'd an email from ye old atom mill requesting my presence at a 'viable candidate pre-screening'. The way they describe it is basically filling out paperwork for medical and security checks. Well, I'm overweight but otherwise very healthy; and I can't think of any reason for having a security check problem. So it should be no problem. At least it's another step forward.
Now, of the two jobs I applied for there, this is my second choice. But that's ok. It's a job and a new start. And there is room to move up there. I'm ok with that.

I will keep checking for things around here in the meantime, but this takes some of the stress off.

Into the Total Perspective Vortex with you!

After a depressing post like the last one, sometimes it helps to get a little perspective.

(note: ignore the chair-dancing fat guy)

If this doesn't affect you in some way, you have no soul.

The Downward Spiral

I think I may be starting to lose my mind. I've joked many times in the past about being a bit crazy, but who hasn't? This time is different.
This started maybe 2 years ago. I was feeling crappy about my job. Often it just seemed overwhelming and hopeless. It didn't help that the new boss was a complete shithead. I was feeling powerless and scared that I would be fired arbitrarily: that was the way management seemed to be acting. It turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Often when these feelings were strongest I'd react by lashing out in anger at stressful situations, though never violently or directly at anyone. Although the boss was the butt of many a half-joking slam.
Things on the home front weren't great either. Money has always been a problem. No matter how much was coming in, it seemed that more was being spent. It was at the point where there was no point in arguing about it. Better to just shut up and live with the fact that we'll always be in debt. Then there was the reproductive stuff. I'd finally got to the point where I felt ready to be a father, when we find out that may be a problem. Then the pregnancy. Then the miscarriage. Hopes go up, slam them down again. This just compounded with the work stuff.
Late last year I'd had a verbal warning because of an angry outburst. All was fine until June when there was another. Then in August someone apparently reported that I'd had a freak-out over missing safety glasses. I had not freaked out. But that didn't seem to matter. I was fired two days later. Of course they never actually told me that this was the reason. You know, I'd seen other employees there with far worse histories of blowing their cool, and nobody ever said boo about it. But they fired me, possibly destroying my career.
I'm not saying my behaviour wasn't wrong, but I don't think you throw someone away for having a few problems.
Anyway, now it's almost 4 months later. I've had a half a dozen interviews in that time and not one job offer. I've got 10 years experience and plenty of relevant skills. What the hell is wrong with me?!
So my mood is up and down, mostly down this week. And I can't sleep. I can't get the whole rotten mess out of my mind. It keeps going around and around. I think of the day it happened, how bad I felt, how stupid I was for losing my cool, how much I hate my ex-boss, how much I miss my old coworkers, and what will happen if I don't find something soon.
I need to get something. Not just for the money, but mostly for my self esteem. I need to feel useful, valuable. Now I just feel like a fucking loser, a screw-up, a waste of oxygen. And all these feelings build on each other. And I have to admit I've been having some pretty dark thoughts lately. I'm not ready to do anything about them yet, but I'm afraid the time may come.
Twelve years ago I was in a similar mess. I'd graduated and couldn't find work. I was forced to sell the house I grew up in, and I was feeling useless and stupid. It seems like everything I've worked so hard for in that time is going to be lost. That just depresses me even more.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
So here I am at 3:25am, writing this because I can't sleep. I really feel like the hairline cracks are starting to appear. I pray to God, Odin, Zeus, Vishnu, Cthulu, or whoever that the nuke plant hires me. They're my only hope at this point. If that falls through, I hate to think how I'll react.
Merry fucking Christmas.

Why is "Human Resources" so evil?

I think Scott Adams nailed it dead on when he made the evil director of human resources into a cat. HR people seem to like cruelly playing with folk's lives and careers much like a cat plays with a bird or mouse before eviscerating it. I've met damned few of them who didn't strike me as secretive, lying, back-stabbing, and often arbitrary in their dealings with employees. I'm bitter because yesterday I received a FOAD letter (F&%$ Off And Die)from a place I interviewed at a couple of weeks ago. I thought the interview went well and I presented myself well, in spite of being in the middle of the worst cold I've had in the last 5 years. But, no, I get this letter saying "Upon careful consideration of your qualifications and experience, it is with regret that we must notify you that you have not been selected...." bla bla bla. Listen, I've got 10 years experience in just about every aspect of the job that was explained to me. I could do the stinkin' job with both eyes closed and a hedgehog jammed down my pants! Of course they don't provide any potentially useful information about where I was lacking.
Pardon my bitterness. Actually, most places aren't even nice enough to let you know. They just leave you hanging. I'm just upset because the whole job search thing is moving way too slow.
And I'm still waiting to here from the nuclear plant.
Rejection, suspense, and domestic issues are not doing wonders for my moods. I've been pretty good for a while, but yesterday I feel into a deep funk. Spousal unit and I got into a bit of an argument over it. I am really starting to worry about my sanity. I think I have an anxiety problem. (no kidding!)
But, today I went to the gym and did some lifting for the first time in almost 2 months. Currently my brain is swimming in endorphins and I'm pretty mellow.

{attention span expired}

"Well here's your problem!"

Heard about the Russian ex-spy in England who died from radioactive polonium-210? Maybe the problem was just his choice of restaurants.

Mad Political Ranting

Oh boy! The Liberal Leadership convention! What excitement! What drama! What a load of crap! This weekend the Liberal party of Canada are having a little get together to pick a new leader, and just about every bloody channel is carrying the whole boring mess non-stop. They seem to think the average Canadian actually give a flying fuck which particular slime-drenched thief is going to be the nominal head of this pack of asses. Ok, so let's assume I'm not typical, and that quite a few folks will actually watch this political daisy chain, complete with reacharounds. So why do we have to have nothing but this drivel?! How many times can the reporters talk about the same meaningless item as if it was the key to survival of the species? "Well, Fred, as we've just heard, Ignatieff is wearing black socks today. What could this mean? Reporter Lester O. Twoevils asks the janitor, since it's 2am and we've asked everyone else..."
Ultimately they're going to pick yet another hyperweasel to steer this dinosaur of a political party. Remember these are the same folks who threw away billions of our tax dollars through incompetence and corruption. Can anyone seriously think the new boss (singing: same as the old boss), will be any different?
Apparently some do. The folks at this stupid thing, who apparently have nothing better to do than engage is this idiotic masturbation, seem to actually believe these leaders are somehow superior to the last batch of parasites! When I see one of these glassy-eyed zealots being interviewed, I can see that he truly believes that Bob Rae, or Michael Ignatieff, or Smedly the Astro-chimp, or whoever, is the new Liberal messiah here to lead the chosen delagates to the promised bla, bla, bla. Am I too cynical, or are these people a bunch of sheep? And guess who's wearing the oversized hip-waders... I can just imagine a bunch of them chanting "Kill the heretic!", and preparing to sacrifice a conservative to the ghost of Trudeau.
Ok, that's enough venom. I'll just go back to grumbling about converage of this thing interrupting my Simpsons reruns.

It's not easy doing nothing.

Ok, not entirely nothing. I am doing a few chores around the house, trying to improve the state of the place a little. But, I'm getting tired of having no larger tasks. Sure I'm trying to find a decent job, but to be honest that mostly involves waiting. Some folks say, "Enjoy it while you can." Ok, I'm trying to, and sometimes it is nice to take things slow and relaxed, but I really need to get back to work, just for the sense of being useful.
Anywho...the last couple of weeks have been eventful job-search-wise. I had two separate interviews at the atom mill. The first one went well, as previously mentioned, but the second didn't seem so great. Some of the questions showed me that I should have prepare better, studying more of the operations there. Oh well. It didn't help that I was at the height of a particulary nasty cold, and was working hard to not cough up any major organs, or spread too much mucus. The next day I had another interview for a quality engineer job near here. If anything, I was sicker than the day before, but I thought I presented myself well. We shall see in the next week or two what happens.

Things have been a bit tense with the spousal unit of late. She's seriously stressed out about school, her volunteering, work, her sister's ongoing drama and balancing it all. So I'm just trying to keep my head down for the most part when things seem especially dangerous.

"What? Still alive?!"

Just a quick update on the state of my universe. In spite of my much improved mood of late, I have been totally lacking in energy or ambition thanks to a very nasty cold. This thing has been hanging on for about a week now, and just won't ease up. A couple of days ago I purchased a store brand version of Nyquil with the hope that it would help me sleep through the hacking cough and plegm-flood. The usual cherry flavoured goop usually makes me gag, so I picked up the green stuff instead, figuring it to have a mint taste. Wrong. It turns out that this vile concoction has a strong flavour of anise/black licorice. Goddam but I HATE that flavour! So every night I toss down a shot of this hell-brew and spend the next half hour trying to get the taste out of my mouth. Problem is, every tiny puff of air that manages to crawl up my esophagus carries with it the hideous taint of that foul ichor! It's worse than the illness! However it did seem to be at least a little effective.

I had an interview last Thursday for a job at the ol' atom mill. I thought it went pretty well, but we shall see. I won't hold my breath, as they don't seem to move too fast. I have another interview for a different position there tomorrow.

Spousal unit made up a batch of chocolate cupcake for a thing she went to yesterday, and there were quite a few left over. Unfortunately they are absolutely amazing, and I've been inhaling them a little faster than is good for me.

All for now.

Hello, anybody there? I can hear you breathing.

I know somebody must look at this thing. The sitemeter says so, and it wouldn't lie to me. So leave a comment, or maybe just money. Let me know who's really there. Make comments, suggestions, even bad puns. I'd like to think that my only hits aren't automated spam-bots.

What are you so damned happy about?

So, here I am with a nasty cold, the kind that makes you feel like your head is stuffed with fur, occasionally dries that certain spot in your throat to the point of making you cough up stuff you ate as a child, but other than that doesn't feel that bad.
And I am still unemployed. And the car needs an oil change. And I need a haircut. And I haven't played D&D in months. And I want a new computer, and some new games. And the spouse is spending most of her time locked away in her office, presumably working on an essay for her film course, or perhaps plotting my doom! Mwahahahaha!

But for all that, I'm in a great mood! I'm not quite sure why. Perhaps some little gizmo in my skull has malfunctioned and is now pumping endorphins into me full blast. Don't knock it, I guess; it helps to balance the month or two of misery after I was fired.

"Will break atoms for money"
So what have I done lately? Well, I have 2, count-em!, 2 interviews lined up at Mr. Burn's place. One Thursday, and another next Tuesday for 2 different jobs there. For the first one I have to make a 5-minute presentation on nuclear energy. No more details given than that. Ok, no biggie, even though I haven't made a presentation in probably 13 years. But the one next week is what I really want. This is for the job I tested for in September. Gad, but they don't move too fast, do they?
On top of that, I've got an agency presenting my resume to a certain car manufacturer starting with "T", for a seriously big money job. Sure, make the decision to bail on quality even harder! Happiness or money, happiness or money, ummmm?

What else is good? My buddy Roscoe was over Sunday to watch some DVD's and drink some very good beer. I'm currently listening to a podcast of old 80's 'underground' or alternative music. A lot of it is now semi-popular retro stuff, but back then you would never here most of it on regular commercial radio. I remember listening to the local university station back in 81 or 82 and hearing this stuff. Ah, the mighty CHRW, blasting it out with a whopping 50 watts! The sound quality kind of sucks, it sounds like somebody put a mike next to a radio. But the tunes are great.

"Mumbo, perhaps. Jumbo, perhaps not!"
Oh, and I've been reading a book about mindfulness meditation. It's originally a Buddhist thing, but the book I'm reading is about the program used at a major medical center for stress relief, pain, that sort of thing. Pretty cools stuff, actually. I'm surprised how hard it is to do nothing. Try it. Seriously, sit, concentrate on your breathing. Don't do anything else, don't even think of anything else. Your mind will wander, guaranteed. Try doing that for 15 minutes, or 30, or more. It's fucking hard sometimes! But afterward I feel incredibly relaxed and mellow and my head is clear. And it's all legal and doesn't create cravings for junk food! And I don't have to pay anybody! Anyway the book says to do this for 15 minutes a day for a week to start. Well, so far I've worked up to 10 minutes. Gad, if I ever manage 45 minutes, I think I'll have melted by the end!
Well, enough of this feel-good, happy, shiny, peace to the world crap. Time to play a violent video game!

Geek Alert 3: Return of Geek Alert

So in the mid-90's, we ended up moving away from this old burg for a job, and all the RPG stuff was packed away into storage. No games, no players, no time. Without interested players what's the point? I didn't even bother to look for gamers in the new town. Most of them would be teenagers anyway, and I really didn't have the patience for that brand of immaturity. That went on for around three years, and then I took a job back here in silly London town.
Well, the first year or so here was gameless as well. That is until a friend, M, mentioned that some old friends in his home town, about a 45 minute drive from here, were starting a game of Dungeons and Dragons 3rd edition. Third edition? What's that? Sure, I'd give it a shot. So I went about 3 or 4 times and had in intro to 3ed. I liked it enough to buy the new Players Handbook. Then for a while M couldn't make it. Either the game fell apart, or they just didn't want me there without M. So that was that.
Well, not quite. I let things go for a couple of years until some aquaintances who were more serious gamers asked spousal unit and I if we'd like to join a little game they were having. So myself and spousal unit, M and his wife S, and the hosts P and K got together Friday nights for a few months for gaming. Until other priorities took over. S dropped out, then M. Shortly after P lost interest and that was it.
No that wasn't it! Hell maybe I could run a game. So I picked up the other 2 main rulebooks on eBay and found conversions of some of my old favourite adventures. Then we started at my place with M and S again, and other friends R and D. I ran my campaign for a bit over a year. Progress was slow because often several people couldn't make it. S dropped out entirely. P from before joined in for a while until we switched days to make it more convenient for most. Unfortunately it was less convenient for him. Later M took over running his game until last summer when, again, other needs squashed our plans. And that really was it.
Now I'm looking to start out again, with spousal unit, R & D, and perhaps other folks K & D2. That may last until we have to move again.

On a side note, I still have all of my old, early 80's hardcover books and some of the adventure modules. Unfortunately in the summer after 1st year U, I lent all my low level modules to an old high school friend. I have not heard from him since. Paul, if by some incredible fluke of probability you ever read this, I want them back! It's been 18 years; you should be done with them by now!

Geek Alert Part 2: The Revenge!

Ok, so there I was in early high school. The ultra nerd/dweeb/geek. The overweight kid who had to wear corduroy pants, played AD&D, and was reasonably good with computers. Yeah, a real chick magnet - Not! Anyway, a small group of gamers congealed at good ol' A.B. Mucus S.S. D&D gave way to MERP or Middle Earth Role Playing, which was a slightly simplified version of the Rolemaster system adapted to Tolkien's world. That was great fun. I still fondly recall my hobbit cuisinart shredding a surprised, seated orc with twin short swords and taking about 10 rounds to do it while the orc sat there stunned, and my elf warrior leaping on the back of a pissed off dragon and riding it while it tried to smash him against the ceiling.
During H.S., I also played games called Battletech, and it's RPG offspring Mechwarrior, about giant robots shooting each other up. I also messed around with the odd other game, like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Blinky the Mole was one of my characters, long before the video game character!), and Car Wars.
One year, about grade 11 I think, all the sillyness about D&D being satanic broke out in the U.S. We actually had a crew from the local TV station come out to do a story on our group! I don't think the story ever ran. I guess when they didn't see any ritual sacrifices of virgins (which would have been just about any member of the group!), they must have figured it wasn't sensational enough.

After high school, it was off to university. In first year I really didn't have time for any serious gaming. But in 1989 or so some folks I knew invited me into their group to play some AD&D and Battletech. That worked for about a year or two, but then the demands of school and other aspects of a social life took over. After graduation while uselessly unemployed, a new group of friends started playing. There was a little D&D, but then we switched over to something new called Shadowrun. Awesome game! Combine D&D fantasy elements with cyberpunk sci-fi. Great fun! My best character was a cyborg killing machine with a very dry sense of humour. After being caught in the middle of a spell that converted an urban area into a natural one he became a vegetarian and was ever after known as the 'cybered-up-vegomatic'. We all found Terminator 2 hilarious, because basically that was the character I had been playing. When Arnold pulls out the minigun from the underground cache and the young John Conner say 'It's definitely you.', I laughed my ass of, because that was my guy! Oh yeah, the character was ironically nicknamed Twitchy.

After finding gainful employment and moving away, my gaming career came to an end... for a while.

More to come in the exiting 3rd episode. Be sure to tune in!

Geek Alert!!!

Remember Wil Wheaton? You know, the kid who played Wesley Crusher on Star Trek:The Next Generation? The character most people disliked, and the one responsible for the most alcohol imbibed during a Star Trek drinking game (someone says 'shut up Wesley', you must finish your drink!). Well, it turns out Mr. Wheaton was a victim of bad screenwriting. It seems that in real life he is actually a real hoopy frood (and if you don't understand that, you're not a real geek). The spousal unit clued me in to his blog a while back but recently I've been reading it more. Check it out here: http://wilwheaton.typepad.com/wwdnbackup/
He's also written a couple of books, and I've had a chance to read a bit of one. He's actually a pretty decent writer. Quite entertaining stuff. Anyway, check out his site.

The reason I'm bringing this up is because his latest entry is about his introduction to Role Playing Games (RPG's), and Dungeons and Dragons in particular. It got me thinking about my start in the big bad world of gaming, way back in the early 80's....

It was back around 1981 or 82, and I hadn't quite started high school.
My first intro to D&D had been by my cousin L and her then husband. One evening I had stopped off at their place while a game was going on. I was given a very terse explanation (after all, I was just a dumb kid), and afterward I thought nothing more about it.
There weren't a lot of kids my age on my street, so I spent a fair bit of time by myself, drawing, reading, playing with Lego, making up my own games. One game I made up involved a side view of a tomb/dungeon/tunnel complex populated by skeletons, zombies, and treasure. This was before I knew much about D&D, and it was actually inspired by Raiders of the Lost Ark. Well, one of the few friends in the neighbourhood saw this one day and commented that it was a lot like D&D. He had just started playing with the old red-box Basic D&D set and offered to show me how to play. Over several weeks we played through good ol' B2:Keep on the Borderlands, one of the classic adventure modules that old time gamers look back on with great affection. I vaugely remember I had a fighter character -I can't remember the name- who achieved the lofty height of 3rd level, which was the highest that the Basic Set supported. A while later my friend purchased the 'Expert Set', which expanded the game, allowing players to rise to 6th level, I think it was.
Guess what! I was hooked. I ended up getting my own copies of both basic D&D sets, trying to write a module or two, that sort of thing. Then high school started. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but it turned out one of my new high school friends played something called Advanced D&D. I admit I was slightly intimidated: if it's called advanced, it must be more difficult. Well, I ended up in a session or three with a school gaming group, most a bunch of older kids. I mostly remember one adventure that the DM had blatantly stolen from an Elric story (a series of fantasy books by Michael Moorcock), but I didn't realize this until I actually read the story a couple of years later. By this time the cousin unit, L, had heard that I was playing D&D, and at Christmas 1982 she gave me one the coolest presents I've ever received: The AD&D Players Handbook. You know the one, with the two thieves working to pry the gem eye out a big demon idol. Awesome! That X-mas I was also given a pretty sizable wad of cash. I guess most folks had no idea what I was into, as I was quite an introvert around home. Sweet! Well, during my week off from school between Christmas and New Year, I took my new wealth to the local hobby store and purchased all the AD&D books then available: the Dungeon Master's Guide, Monster Manual, Fiend Folio, and Deities and Demigods (yes, the early edition with Cthulu, Elric, and Ffard!). I was into this game in a big way.
Face it, this was pure escapism for me, and I needed it. I was basically a lonely kid with a single parent who was dealing with some extremely tough health issues, and grandparents -well meaning as they were- who seemed to have no idea how to relate to me. With this game I was off into a more exciting world. And it introduced me to many new friends over the years.

To be continued...

I spoke too soon. So now what do I do?

Wouldn't you know it, yesterday I mentioned that it had been 5 weeks since the nuclear plant test and I figured I'd never hear from them again, and just half and hour ago they called me. They let me know I'd passed the test, and wanted to do a behavioural interview on the phone. Right now. Ok with me. So they asked a bunch of questions looking for examples of how I had handled various situations. I hate these kinds of questions. The situations are either something that happened so often that nothing specific came to mind, or something that never happened, or simply something that I could not remember. Well, I answered the best I could on short notice. If I passed this interview, the next step is what they call a technical interview. That is supposed to happen sometime in November.
And this brings me to a dilemma: what do I do if something else comes along in the meantime? Do I pass it up on the hope that I'll continue to be acceptable to the nuke plant? Or do I go for the 'bird in the hand', even though it may not be what I prefer to do.

I think I need chocolate to help me ponder this. Wax the brain to make it go faster.

Still here. Still (mostly) sane.

Not much happening around these parts. I'm doing my best to fight off depression and enjoy this time as much as possible. But the fact is I have a lingering fear that's always in the background. Sometimes it fades for a while, but it's always there.

It's been 5 weeks since I wrote the test for the nuclear plant (that's nuc-u-lar for a certain tool south of the border). I don't hold much hope that they'll call me for an interview, even though the status shown on their site still says "in-progress".

I had an interview for a place here in town. I would be doing basically the same job I'd been doing for the past 9 or so years, but at least I wouldn't have to move. I think it went ok, not great, but ok. Apparently I'm one of 6 interviewees picked from 50 applications, and this will be trimmed down to 2 to be grilled by the QA manager. If I don't hear back by the end of the week, I can forget that one as well.
I have another interview scheduled for Thursday in Toronto. I don't really want to work in Toronto, but a job is a job. I hate big cities. Other than these 2, I've had a few calls from headhunters, but nothing more concrete than that. Sigh.

The spousal unit has dragged me into something called NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. The idea is to write a 50000 word novel in the 30 days of November. At least it will keep me busy. I want to expand something very strange I wrote way back in high school. If only I can find where I put it...

We went to a Halloween type party thing last night on somewhat short notice. I was enjoying it, but after about 2 hours Spousal unit's stamina gave out and we had to leave. Too bad. Lots of amusing people, good food, and watching silly movies. We had watched Army of Darkness and were just starting Young Frankenstein when we left. Bah.

Thought of the day.

Spotted in a forum somewhere:

"There may be no 'I' in team, but there is a 'U' in suck!"

This is my kind of sport!

This is from Top Gear, one of my favourite shows.

http://www.glumbert.com/media/carshoot

Wouldn't that relieve some stress.

At least it would be quieter...

I've always said this would be a nice planet if not for all the damn people.

http://www.newscientist.com/channel/earth/mg19225731.100-imagine-earth-without-people.html

The first day of the rest of my life...

Ok, here it is the first full day of what I'm considering a new chapter of life, or at least a (hopefully) short intermission between chapters. Today's goal is to maintain the positive attitude I forced myself into yesterday. So far, so good.
So I slept late, simply because we were up late last night with R&D watching the last 2 X-men movies. I hadn't yet seen #3, and D hadn't seen #2 either. I enjoyed #3 but didn't consider it quite as good as the other two. I can't say whether that's because of a different director, or the writing, or what.
Shortly after getting up, I dragged my groggy carcass to the car to drive Spousal-Unit to her volunteer thing at the local cable company. Then it was home for a quick shower to clean up and wake up, and back to the mall to figure out what's wrong with our new cell phones. That was cleared up quickly and painlessly, and it was off to return the X-Men3. Home again, some leftover pizza for lunch with a side order of channel surfing, and then to job hunting.
I must have about 30 or 40 bookmarks for agencies, search sites, and individual companies. I surfed through about half of these for new stuff and sent out 4 more applications/resumes. I'm not sure but I think things may be starting to pick up a bit. Perhaps now that we're into 4th quarter or something.
Now to play around a bit, maybe clean the kitchen a little. Pretty mundane and boring stuff, I know. But, so far, I seem to be keeping myself sane.

Bah! To hell with this!

Tomorrow will be the 2 month anniversary of me being fired. I hereby declare the period of mourning to be over. After considering how useless it is to be depressed and miserable all the time, and after a much needed boot in the posterior from the spousal unit, I am done with that crap. This post will be to tie off a few loose ends regarding this mess, and clear them out of my skull.
1. Yes, I did fuck up slightly. In no way do I believe it justified termination, but there is nothing I can do about it now. All I can do is learn from it and move on.
2. I will not volunteer any theories about why I was fired during future interviews. I did this once in the foolish belief that it is better to be honest. I strongly suspect that this resulting in me not being selected. Apparently honesty is not something that many HR managers appreciate.
3. My former employer (at least the individuals who made the decision) made a mistake. They threw away a skilled employee unnecessarily. Well FUCK THEM!!!, to be vulgar about it. Funny how this stuff never came up with the former manager I reported to. Bunch of boneheads.
4. The last 2 years with my former boss (often referred to as Napoleon by some former co-workers), have been mostly miserable. Very possibly I would have left voluntarily at some point anyway. The man has the personality of wet cardboard, but with the ego of Donald Trump, and the skills of damp dishrag. I can only hope that someday soon his bosses realize how truly ignorant he is, and that he is entirely dependent on his underlings. Look at it this way, before he came along our department lost 1 person in 5 years, after he took over we lost 5 in 2 years. I wish him much misery in future.

So that's it. That is a closed chapter. I'll continue to search for something else, start cleaning the house and packing in anticipation of having to sell and move, and hope for word from a certain particular place. I want to work at that place where I tested for 3 weeks ago. I want to leave the automotive industry, quality assurance, and maybe engineering in general. That is how bad the aftertaste is that I've been left with.
In the meantime, I'll go to the gym more to try to pack on some muscle and trim some flab; I'll play some games, write some blog entries, and try to be more pleasant to be around than I have been for the last 2 months.

Gone mad, back in 15 minutes.

Well, still no job. Not even a phone call. I called a few of the headhunters yesterday just to remind them that I'm still here. Basically, they're all saying that the job market is off this fall. Normally things pick up after Labour Day, but not this year so far. Just my farking luck. I've been applying to things here and there as they pop up, but it's just a trickle of opportunities, and I've yet to hear back on any of them. I suppose all the fun with Ford's and GM's financial problems are affecting the automotive job market, but the coming Toyota plant should offset some of that. One agent mentioned that the high Canadian dollar has affected many companies profit margins, and one of the first places they cut is new hiring. Understandable, but it won't pay my bills.

Some folks have been trying to tell me to relax and enjoy the time off. You have got to be kidding! If there was a definite time limit to this and I knew I'd have gainful employment at the end, then perhaps I could relax, but this uncertainty is driving me insane! My moods tend to swing anyway, but this is starting to border on manic-depression. There have been times lately when I have actually felt cracks forming in the old mental concrete.

The worst times are at night when I'm trying to get to sleep. That's when the doubts and fears start flowing in a full torrent. What if I can't find anything? Will we lose the house? Will we end up homeless? Will we lose everything we've managed to gain in the last 12 years? Of course in the rational light-of-day I realize things probably won't be that bad, but there are times I can't stop the scenarios of failure running roughshod through my frontal lobes. They've even gone to the point where I've imagined myself freezing to death out on the street some coming winter.

I've been trying to cope by medicating myself with chocolate (my main vice), going to the gym and exercising myself senseless, vegging in front of the tube, or playing computer games (the least effective). I've started studying programming in Python in order to keep my mind active. The weekly outings with friends is a huge help too.

Here's hoping I can keep my marbles together until I find something. In the meantime, perhaps I'll listen to some Goon Shows so at least I won't be afraid of the insanity.

(For those not aware of the joys of Goonery: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goon_Show )

Another day, another thought.

"This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you." -C. Montgomery Burns

Hmmm...seems to be a theme starting here. Not intentional. I just find Burns hilarious. Actually, as one of my former co-workers pointed out, the funniest Simpsons characters are the elderly ones: Burns, Abe, Jasper, etc. I especially love Abe's rants or rambling stories. Maybe I'll post one later.

Thought of the day.

"The best argument against democracy is a five minute chat with the average voter" -- Winston Churchill"

Stolen from the Witty Quotes Haven.

http://www.witty-quotes.com/index.html

Testing

Well, this morning I took a series of tests as part of an evaluation for a job. There were 5 timed tests and 2 untimed questionaires. The timed ones were on stuff relating to comprehension of instructions, basic math, visualization and mechanical aptitude. I didn't find the questions hard, but the time factor was a problem. I missed a couple of questions on one test and rushed a couple of guesses on another one. On the rest I had barely enough time. Usually I'm fairly quick with that kind of stuff, so I can only guess that the other candidates had similar problems.
Of course I'll only hear back from them if I've done well enough to go to the interview stage. And I'm sure things won't move too quickly even then.
I would love to get this job. It's very different from what I've been doing the last 10 years, which I am now sick of. Getting fired from the last one didn't exactly leave the best aftertaste, either. It would mean a drastic pay cut and relocation, but at least I could enjoy the work. The job is located in a wonderful area, and eventually the pay would catch up.
I feel like it's time for a new start.

In the meantime, the search goes on. Which mostly means checking various web sites and waiting.

Crapulent Part 2.

So here I am unemployed and feeling useless. The day after I was canned, I started searching for something else. The thing is, with my sort of job, you can't just go door-to-door passing out resumes. Most companies don't accept those anymore. Most use agencies or "headhunters" to find people for them. They let someone else take care of the flood of applications and initial screening. So I've bombarded about 2 dozen headhunters, by registering or just e-mailing a resume, whatever their setup is. A few have called me, and I've met personally with some of them, but I have yet to have an actual interview with an employer this way.
I have had one interview, but it was with a company I had met with before. But they havn't called me back, and they won't return my calls or e-mails, so I guess they're not interested. I'm guessing they want somebody with less experience and presumably cheaper.
Next week I have a meeting/testing session with a large non-automotive employer. I won't say more than that at this time. The job is nothing like what I've been doing, pays significantly less, and would require relocating. Why would I want something like that? Well, I think I just might be happy doing it. And eventually the pay would catch up. And there is potential for advancement. I think it might be time to get out of the automotive industry anyway: I'm sick of the stress and bullshit.
But overall, pickins have been mighty slim. I know that financially I'm ok for a while, but the big problem is fighting off depression.
All for now.

Crapulent.

Yeah, I know, as usual I haven't done anything in a very long time. Just apathy I guess. But now I have plenty of time. See, about a month ago I was fired from my job of 7.5 years. Total shock. Didn't see it coming. They wouldn't even tell me why. I have a suspicicion, but even if I'm right it was for something I didn't actually do, and I don't think it justified firing even if I did. For the past 4 weeks I've had almost nothing else running through my head, often to the point of insomnia. I feel betrayed.
Now, it's not all bad. The fact is, I wasn't totally happy working there it I suppose it showed. I have nothing but contempt for my former manager. How someone like that could rise to the level of manager or director amazes me. I can only assume much oral contact with butt cheeks was involved. The blunt fact is that the man does not understand what he is managing. How can you be a quality manager without at least minor knowledge of metrology, statistics, or basic manufacturing processes. He is an arrogant little toad of a man. Hell, I could go on for hours.
The problem was, I resented reporting to this ignorant twit. I'm reminded of the line in the Police tune Synchonicity 2, "...every single meeting with his so-called superior is a humiliating kick in the crotch."
Now I won't claim I was the perfect employee either, but looking back I can see that my attitude was more effect than cause. My error was in letting it get to me, and letting my frustration build up. Another hard life-lesson learned I suppose. At least the buy-out package (i.e. don't-sue-us package) was good. I still get paid for several more months.
My ex co-workers have been good about it. I've met with them a couple of times over lunch, and they've been supportive, sorry about what happened sort of thing. And they are the ones I'll miss most. I didn't care for the job, or most managers (some were good, even great), but many of the people I worked with made things tolerable or even fun. They know who they are.
Still, I feel like shit much of the time.
More to come in episode 2.

Well-adjusted supervillians.

I think it was back in the sixties when some twit came up with something called "Primal Scream Therapy". The basic idea is to holler at the top of your lungs and that this relieves stress. It does feel good; sometimes I'll do it in my car, just for fun.
But I have a better altenative: Maniacal Laughter Therapy. Rather than screeching like some nutjob, let loose with a good evil laugh! Imagine your orbital death ray is poised to wipe out the entire population of Peoria if you don't receive 82 tons of blue, peanut M&M's by the time you finish blowing your nose. Get drunk on the imaginary power! Let fly with a solid "Mwa-hahahahaha!" type of thing. Get creative. It feels great.
And don't forget the psychotic grin for the sake of those around you.

Enjoy!

What?! Two in the same year?! IS HE MAD!?

The spousal unit has tagged me with a sort of meme thingy. So, here goes a bunch of fours.

Four jobs I've had in my life: Security Gaurd, Taxi driver (Are you talkin' to me?), Process Engineer, Quality Engineer.

Four movies I would watch over and over: Aliens, Star Wars IV (Han shot first!), Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Incredibles.

Four places I have lived: London, St. Catharines, Newmarket, CFB Gagetown (but not for very long).

Four TV shows I love to watch: Mythbusters, Family Guy, Futurama, Stargate Atlantis.

Four places I have been: Toluca Mexico, Denver, Brownsville Texas, Disneyworld.

Four websites I visit daily: Slashdot, Dilbert, Hardgainer, Adrenaline Vault.

Four of my favorite foods: M&Ms (except the crunchy ones in the blue bag), shrimp, Spousal Unit's risotto (seafood or chicken), and lately Miss Vickie's jalapeno potato chips.

Four places I would rather be right now: New Zealand (looks like an amazing place), on a quiet beach somewhere (not too far from civilization, but not too close either), the house I grew up in, in a cozy pub with a group of good friends.

Four Friends that have been tagged that I think will respond: The only folks I know who blog have already done this thing, or won't.

There! Happy now?

Useless invention #1:
Ingredients: 1 escalator, one laser or ultrasound ranging device, on programmable logic controller (PLC) (if not already part of escalator), and one slinky. This also assumes that fine speed control is possible on the escalator.
Basically, setup and program the laser or whatever to detect the position of the slinky and feed this measurement to the PLC which then adjusts the escalator's speed to maintain the slinky in one location. The slinky keeps going downstairs, but never gets anywhere.

Hours of useless fun.

Which reminds me, some people are like slinkys. They aren't really good for anything, but they're fun to push down the stairs.