I'm baaacckkkk!!!!!

Right. The maintenance outage I was assigned to is over, and I'm back to my regular job and schedule. After 2 months of working alternating day and night 12 hour shifts (switching every 5 or 6 days!), I'm certainly ready for a rest. Unfortunately, most of the extra money I earned doing this was sunk into that black hole called debt. Oh well.

Anyhoo....

I came across this little gem on Wil Wheaton's blog. It's a music service called Magnatune, and it claims to be not evil. They boast CD quality downloads (MP3's are NOT CD quality), no DRM "broken by design" crap, 50% of revenue to the artist (as opposed to the pittance the RIAA deigns to give them, despite all their claims otherwise), Full previews (listen to it all before you buy), and pay what you think is fair! Plus a few other things. This sounds exceedingly cool. And the music is stuff you won't get from the mainstream.

I haven't checked it out entirely yet (or purchased anything), but this is a breath of fresh air amid the vile copyright servitude coming from the major producers these days with their "Just because you paid for it, you have no rights to do anything with it, and we're installing a secret spy program on your computer to make sure you don't, btw it also wrecks your security so hackers can have their way with you, and one more thing: we now own your spleen. The surgeon will be around next Tuesday. Any attempts to bypass this security will result in our horde of lawyers sueing you and everyone you've ever met. Remember this is for the sake of the artists, whom we give one-billionth of a percent of all sales." attitude.

"...I became chronologically fucked-up"

Note the title is from the Tragically Hip's "Locked in the Trunk of a Car"

In my case it refers to the effect of switching to nights (7pm-7am) for 3 days, and now trying to get back to a more civilized circadian rhythm, or whatever. I finished the run of nights this morning, came home, ate, went to bed for a few hours, got up, and have been in a mild daze since. I'd just adapted to being asleep at this time, and here I am trying to get back in sync with the rest of the world again. My sense of what time it is is totally shot. Not wrong, just gone; like it simply gave up and left. Occasionally I have to remind myself, "This is Tuesday, right?" But I have time to adjust before going back to work on Friday morning. Then four day of days, and try to switch back to nights. Repeat until collapse.

Politics over Safety (and logic).

For the last couple of months there has been quite a stir in the Canadian nuclear world. The Chalk River reactor, the main source for medical isotopes, shut down for maintenance in November. The CNSC (the body responsible for overseeing nuclear safety in Canada) refused to let it start up again when it turned out that the owner (Atomic Energy of Canada Ltd) had failed to complete safety upgrades in the 50 year old reactor. The upgrades were a condition of their operating license. The CNSC's obligation was to deny permission to start up again without these upgrades. They are responsible for safety, not medical supplies. They have clear regulations regarding this. And they are meant to operate without political interference.
So when supplies of medical isotopes became short, literally decaying away, in steps our Conservative government and passes legislation to restart the reactor despite the missing upgrades. And note that the Liberals went along with this. The minister of natural resources aimed the blame directly at CNSC president Linda Keen, claiming her stubbornness put the lives of medical patients at risk, and that since she was appointed by the previous Liberal government her decision was politically motivated.
Also be aware that the two new reactors intended as replacements for this aging one are 8 years behind schedule, and may never start up! Where were the ministers (first the Liberal, and then the current one)? Why weren't they investigating this delay?
I know in my workplace two of the key values they work hard to instill in employees are conservative (not in the political sense) decision making and adherence to procedures (rules). These are critical to a culture of safety in the nuclear industry. From what I've seen, Linda Keen was working to these values. She was doing her job properly.
Who fucked up? AECL, the last two ministers of natural resources, and the prime minister who fired Ms. Keen yesterday.
There has been much talk of a nuclear "renaissance". If this is going to happen, safety is primary. For that we need a credible regulator, free to do their job properly regardless of who looks bad because of it. PM Harper destroyed that credibility last night. As my friend B said today, "Harper just shot the Canadian nuclear industry in the head."

How do you compete against these people?!

Ok, it's no secret that I work in the nuclear power industry, and so I could be accused of some pro-nuke bias, but I saw this newspaper article that just amazed me with it's excessive anti-nuke slant. It was an AP story printed in the Prince George (B.C.) Citizen. The story is about a small radioactive water leak in a nuclear station in Ohio.
A couple of quotes from the story: "The amount of water from the pipe was so small when discovered Friday that it was not quantified in the report...", "It involved water from the reactor, so it is radioactive water but it is within the containment building and nothing was released. Our workers were not affected," he said.
Ok, so there's a very small leak, inside the containment structure. Sounds like only a minor hazard, nothing to freak about. But the thing that got me was the headline: "N-plant leaking into Lake Erie". Factually contradicted by the story itself, and clearly just used to grab attention. Hell, why not call it "Ultra dangerous, hyper-nuclear, death klabooie!!!"

Quality time.

I just returned from taking Spousal-Unit back to her apartment so she can continue with school and work next week. She was able to arrange a week off to come here and visit with me and the furry folks. Unfortunately, just before coming here, she picked up a flu/cold thing from her sister and spent the first part of the week feeling miserable. We had to postpone a get-together with B-meister and his wife W. We figured a couple of days delay while spouse recovers, no big deal. Then, of course, I get sick. I spent the last half of the week feeling like warmed-over snail snot, with an oozing, goo-packed cranium and the effective I.Q. of a pro wrestling fan. Quote of the week: "uungghgghh...." (with appropriate nasal honk). I had to miss 2 days of work, which is now actually something I miss. Sadly we had to pass on B and W's invitation, which we had been looking forward to. When Spouse spoke to B on the phone he seemed upset, perhaps offended by this. I'll have to speak with him and apologize, but I simply didn't feel right going to their place, spreading microbes to them and their offspring, and staring at the wall in a medication induced stupor.

So, overall the week was not everything we had hoped for. But at least we were together.

Yeah, that's about right.

A very detailed (long, anyway) quiz says that if I was a D&D character I would be, at least for the mood I'm in right now:

Lawful Neutral Human Wizard (5th Level)
Ability Scores:
Strength- 13
Dexterity- 14
Constitution- 13
Intelligence- 14
Wisdom- 13
Charisma- 11

Alignment:Lawful Neutral- A lawful neutral character acts as law, tradition, or a personal code directs him. Order and organization are paramount to him. He may believe in personal order and live by a code or standard, or he may believe in order for all and favor a strong, organized government. Lawful neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you are reliable and honorable without being a zealot. However, lawful neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it seeks to eliminate all freedom, choice, and diversity in society.

Race:Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:Wizards- Wizards are arcane spellcasters who depend on intensive study to create their magic. To wizards, magic is not a talent but a difficult, rewarding art. When they are prepared for battle, wizards can use their spells to devastating effect. When caught by surprise, they are vulnerable. The wizard's strength is her spells, everything else is secondary. She learns new spells as she experiments and grows in experience, and she can also learn them from other wizards. In addition, over time a wizard learns to manipulate her spells so they go farther, work better, or are improved in some other way. A wizard can call a familiar- a small, magical, animal companion that serves her. With a high Intelligence, wizards are capable of casting very high levels of spells.

Detailed Results:
Alignment:Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (20)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (17)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (20)
True Neutral ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (17)
Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Neutral Evil ---- XXXXXXXX (8)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXX (5)

Law & Chaos:Law ----- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Neutral - XXXXXXX (7)
Chaos --- XXXX (4)

Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Evil ---- X (1)

Race:Human ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Dwarf ---- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Elf ------ XXXX (4)
Gnome ---- XXXXXXXX (8)
Halfling - XXXXXX (6)
Half-Elf - XXXXXX (6)
Half-Orc - XXXXXX (6)

Class:Barbarian - (-25)
Bard ------ (-19)
Cleric ---- (-4)
Druid ----- XX (2)
Fighter --- XX (2)
Monk ------ XX (2)
Paladin --- (-19)
Ranger ---- (-6)
Rogue ----- (-4)
Sorcerer -- XX (2)
Wizard ---- XXXXXX (6)

Try it yourself if you're nerd enough.

"I'm not looking back, but I want to look around me now."

Ok, I'll admit it: I like '80s music. I was in high school from '82 to '87 so that was the kind of stuff I was exposed to in those formative years. I didn't get to hear a lot back then due to "lifestyle limitations", but in the time since I've been able to fill in some of what I missed. Then along came the drug known as i-Tunes. Damn you, Steve Jobs!!! I was able to find a couple of old fave and fill in my collection.
Lately I've discovered the Radio function and I've re-learned that my preferred flavour of '80s music is what is termed "Alternative". Nowadays Alternative really isn't; it's actually pretty mainstream. Back then, Alternative stuff would only get played on the little college or university stations, blasting out with an awesome 50 watts, you could received them almost to the end of the street. I remember listening to CHRW back in 81 or 82 and hearing Depeche Mode, The Church, and other obscure bands. Groups that later got bigger or only became known with the retro phase that started in the 90s.
Now I'm listening to something called 1.FM 80's Alternative channel, and I'm hearing a lot of extremely cool stuff that is entirely new to me! Bands I've never heard of but are great. I love the clean, crisp, slick 80's sounds. Music before record execs ordered their engineers to cram every decibel possible into every frequency, destroying dynamic range for the sake of loudness, turning every tune into a droning buzz, hiding melody for the sake of overpowered, window rattling bass.
So, yes, I like old '80s stuff far better than anything new. So be it. That's what I like, and that's what I'll have.
Thar be a wee bit o' chair dancing going on here!

Back and intact.

I'm back in Laketown again after a 1 day delay due to evil weather. Thanks to the big ol' snowstorm that rolled through Sunday, my only 2 plausible routes back here were closed. And there was no f&*%ing way I was going to try the back roads in those conditions; I had a big enough scare last Feb to put me off that well and good. Anywho, the roads were open today, so I made my way back. Note that I said "open", not "good". There were areas where the actual location of the road was judged by "ok, aim for the middle of this flattish area", as the view was plain white without any contrast created by, say, previous tire tracks. So some places were a relative crawl. Plus the occasional whiteout from passing trucks or some farmer's snowblower. Again, I'll praise the new snow tires. Worth every penny as Spousal Unit said Sunday.

So I missed a day of work. On the previous job this would have been cause for celebration, followed by an explanation "that management expects us to make every effort to attend regardless of external factors...bla bla bla" or similar bullshit, meaning "I expect you to sacrifice yourself to make me look good". My new employer is much cooler. I offered to trade my vacation day which I'd scheduled for later this week for today, and the response was an easy "Ok, no problem, just put it on your time sheet tomorrow." Sweet. I doesn't hurt that sometimes I actually look forward to going into work.

Have a terrifying solstice...

A cute little Christmas ornament of pure evil.


Merry Cthulhumas.

Can anyone find the old flashlight?

You know the junk drawer? Maybe it isn't even a drawer, but it's that place that just seems to accumulate the miscellaneous thingamajigs that don't get thrown away. You know, the little plastic doohickey from something, or the odd metal dealy with the flanges? I've got a few of those odd, unidentified things in my brain. Not literally of course, except for the crayon lodged up my nose that's been lowering my IQ. No, wait, that's Homer Simpson.
No, these are some odd little memories, or dreams, or memories of dreams. Sometimes I'm not even sure which. These are things that I've been carrying since earliest childhood; indeed, they are some of my earliest memories. And I still can't make much sense of them.

1. This is thing I think of as my earliest memory, and it's stuck with me and bothered me most of my life. It's an image, and an feeling of where I am. I'm in a large, dimly lit room or space. I'm looking up, I think I'm lying on my back. The ceiling is a kind of flat, corrugated steel sheet, the wavy steel sheets often seen in rural areas, but I don't have the feeling this an agricultural place. The air is cool, not cold or uncomfortable though. I think I'm lying on bare wood. And that's it. That's the memory. It's been with me as long as I can remember. And I have no idea if it was a real place or what. It's actually been kind of a haunting feeling. Strange.
2. The next was a recurring dream I had through most of childhood, and once or twice since. It starts with a feeling/image of old, wet wood, slightly rotting. The air feels close and heavy, like just before a thunderstorm. There is light where I am, but the distance background seems dark. Next, there is a huge *something*, I guess best described as a gigantic, white tidal wave, but almost solid, and without texture. It is smooth and even everywhere. And I feel like it is taking me, and carrying me away. And there is a feeling of power, and noise, but in dream logic, there is actually no sound.
3. Another dream from childhood, and possibly the oddest one and the hardest to describe. This one seemed to happen when I was sick and feverish. It was very odd, and seemed to involve very massive (as in actual weight) blocks. But I could actually "feel" their massiveness. The colours were kind of dim, yellow/gray/brown. And I didn't feel that it was so much me observing this, as I was a point moving through it. The blocks moved but didn't, but spatially, things did not seem to follow the usual geometry or 3 dimensional rules as real life. They seemed to change in size, mass and position as my point moved through them, even though, somehow they didn't actually change. It almost seems (now) like a kind of synethesia (mixing up of senses).

I have no idea what any of these mean, if anything. The first one, as far as I can recall, only occurred once, and I don't think it was a dream. But it seemed so strong and important that it has stuck with me. The other two were dreams that kept coming back year after year.

They likely mean nothing at all. Just the disjointed creations of a young, growing mind. Still, I get that kind of 'that's a bit creepy' feeling when I think about them.

Evil Thought for Today

"People! Can't live with them, can't get a licence for a doomsday device."

And now a word from our sponsor...

Two posts ago I babbled about buying winter tires. Well, today proved that to be a good idea. I woke up this morning to discover our first big, bad blast of weather for the season. Compared to last February, this wasn't much, but it still made driving a slightly more risky affair. Unlike the usual idiots who don't change their driving habits for the conditions, I took it easy on the way to work, but I could tell by the feel of the car that the grip was better. Indeed, I decended a steep, glassy hill with nary a slip. Not something to test too far, but good to have anyway.

Evil Thought of the Day

Something that popped into my head at lunch today:

"I dislike conflict. That's why I'm going to destroy you quickly."

Said at the beginning of the regular lunchtime card game.

On a more pleasant note...

...I suppose. I just shelled out $900 for a set of snow tires and rims. Yep, the car has new winter boots: Bridgestone Blizzaks. After the fun I had on the roads up here last winter, this was a must.
Also, a couple of weeks ago I attended a driving course called Skid School, paid for by my employer. I guess they would rather have us arrive at work intact. What nice people! Part of the course involved performing collision avoidance maneuvers with different types of tires. It was quite clear that they were pushing Blizzaks (must be getting advertising bucks from Bridgestone), as they made sure to point how they were superior to the all-seasons, or having snows on just front or back, and the poster in the classroom. Still, the point was made.

Just so you don't think I'm a sucker for a sales pitch, I had previously been considering these tires or the Michelin equivalents. It just turned out that the tire place I went to (recommended by several coworkers) didn't carry Michelins.

So I'll now be a little safer when the weather around here goes completely to hell. Which it will.

The next plan is to put together a winter survival kit for the car, and a first aid kit (my employer trained my on that too).

Stand By Me

The spousal unit has gone back to university to finish her degree, and some people don't seem to like it. She has been quite discouraged lately by the response of some. The latest was just yesterday, when a long time friend and his wife decided that Spouse was not making acceptable choices about her life, and that she had no right to blog about things that bothered her. I can only guess that they are leading the correct and proper life and this gives them the right and duty to rudely and arrogantly point out other's errors. I was bothered by this and fired back with my own rebuttal. At this point the former friend made it clear that Spouse was no longer acceptable friend material. I used to like this man, I considered him intelligent, well read, and thoughtful, but now I can only see him as an inflexible, self-righteous dickhead. It seems that anyone who disagrees with him or his wife, or makes choices they wouldn't, is branded as an evil idiot. Apparently we are not the first friends they've thrown away for not matching their ideal way of living. Well, FUCK THEM! Sooner or later they'll find out they've run out of friends.

Real friends will tolerate your mistakes, even if they're the only ones who see them as such. Trust me, I've made this mistake myself twice in my life and regretted both. I threw away one friend for having a drug habit (which he later kicked), and another for cheating on his significant other.

Spouse's parents have been less than supportive as well. Her mother seems of the mind that unless there is a direct, practical, quick payoff to this education it is not worthwhile. She's been giving Spouse the cold shoulder. At least she hasn't disowned us.

Others, however, have different opinions. We have other friends (real friends it seems) who think that this is a wonderful thing. They are very much appreciated right now. We'll be seeing some of them this weekend, and I'll be sure to thank them.

She gave up her chance to finish over ten years ago, instead following me when I took a job out of town. I've learned to understand what that cost her. I won't ask her to give it up again. I believe it is important to complete this, even if it doesn't lead to a monetary payoff. MONEY IS NOT THE ONLY REWARD! OR THE MOST IMPORTANT! I put off leaving a job I hated because of the fear of losing money, to the point where it got me fired. The need for money made me miserable.
We are making sacrifices to do this. I won't say I'm enjoying them, but I see them as necessary.
To hell with those who would abandon us for this, or for defending what we're doing. To those who disapprove but keep it to themselves, so be it; hold your tongues. To those with us, thank you for being true friends.

Back in the Saddle Again....and my ass is sore!

Ok, first post in a while. My lack of updates has been due to a couple of factors: large doses of overtime in the last month while lending my support to the maintenance shutdown (called an outage) which tired me out (60 hrs per week for a month); forgetfulness: I would think of something to write, but by the time I was actually I would forget what I wanted to say, or get distracted by something else; or simple laziness.

A man's got to know his limitations.

Today I was speaking with my friend B-meister, and he was telling me about some of his stresses at work. I do a car-pool type of thing with B, as he works at the same company (different building), and he often talks about work and the very impressive sounding projects he's working on. B is probably one of the smartest and most self-motivated and driven people I know. Understand that I went to university for engineering with B, back in the early 1990's. I managed to get through and graduate from that. Graduation was followed by a hell of a tough time finding work, followed by several increasingly better paying jobs, ending last year. Various people, including B, told me how smart I was because I was able to get through the program and get the degree, etc. However, it seemed every time I turned around, either when looking for a job or when actually doing it that I was often sadly lacking in certain background skills and knowledge, or would make errors that would make me fell like I didn't belong there. Often this caused a paralyzing lack of confidence in actually doing some tasks.

Since grade school I'd always had people telling me they thought I was intelligent, yet my grades were rarely stellar. High school was the same and I was just able to squeak into university. First year U was ok, but after that it was a gradual downward slide, and I ended up taking an extra 2 years to finish. All along though, I was around some very intelligent and capable people, and some self confidence seemed to rub off.

This confidence, and the high expectations I had for myself didn't seem to pay off though. Like I said, real life results didn't measure up. I'd also occasionally hear about the accomplishments of my former peers, and compare mine unfavourably. The last year or so, with getting fired and all, have forced me to re-examine my abilities. I've come to the realization that I'm not as smart as I thought I was, and I likely won't accomplish anything hugely impressive. I'm just an average guy. And I think I'm ok with that. My self image has changed, along with my ambitions. I guess this is just part of my recent experiences, and getting older and, I guess, slightly wiser. Now I think I'll be happy with just doing my job decently, and not screwing up too much. I'll go to work, do my job, and come home. I'll live my quiet little life and just try to be content with what I am, and let others do the great things and suffer the stresses involved.

A somewhat serious post.

Ok, time for my 50th of a dollar on the subject of global warming, climate change, whatever. I'm not going to argue that most scientists believe it, and a few don't. There are a zillion arguments either way, and it seems to me very little clear truth to be sifted from the mess. As usual, everybody spins things to support what they already want to believe. Same as with politics, religion, and sports.
So I'll approach it from a somewhat simpler angle.
1. Hundreds of millions of years ago, life forms started using carbon as a primary component of their bodies and metabolisms. They obtained this carbon from the environment (atmosphere, gasses from volcanos, and such).
2. As these critters and plants snuffed it, many of their itty-bitty bodies ended up in positions where geological processes changed them chemically into coal, oil, gas, and similar types of burnable things.
3. The above two things went on for many hundreds of millions of years, collecting jillions of tons of carbon and locking it away.
4. Jump ahead a while, until the mid-1800's or so. These silly little ape descendants start yanking all this stuff out of the ground and burning it, releasing this carbon back into the environment.
5. Summary: Over hundreds of millions of years, vast and ridiculous amounts of the stuff is hidden away. We dig it up, and put it back in 150 years! How can this not have an effect!

The speed at which things are done matters. Look at the gas tank of your car: burn it a little at a time in a controlled way, and you can get around town. Burn it all at once, and you have a bomb.

From one bunch of clowns to another...

I came across this link on William Gibson's blog:

Clowns KKKick KKK ass!

Good for a chuckle or two.

Ever notice how folks like Nazis, the KKK, religious fanatics, etc. never seem to have a sense of humour? Unless they're laughing at someone else's suffering. A sure sign of mental illness.

Pointed Sticks at High Velocity

I'm taking up a new hobby. Something to fill the lonely hours that's perhaps a bit more productive and active than sitting in front of a computer decimating hordes of evil whatevers. I'm taking up archery. I've been thinking about it for years, but just never had the initiative to go and do it.

Well, I happened to mention my possible interest during lunch one day, and it turns out that one of my noontime cribbage opponents is an archer. So several weeks ago we went out shooting at a local range. This was the first time I had actually handled a real bow and launched arrows. I was surprised how well I did considering this lack of experience. I only lost one arrow in the woods.

So, I'm looking to join the local club; they'll vote on letting me in next week. And I purchased a used compound bow (has pulleys, the tension lets off as you pull so it's easier to hold the draw). Today I took it to a local shop for a new string, setting up draw length, some arrows, and a quiver.

On top of all this, there is an indoor range within walking distance of home! So I can go shooting all winter. Yay.

Locational errors.

Ok, I'm back. It's been a while. We completed to moves to Spousal Unit's apartment, and the new place in the new home town near ye olde atom mill. It was certainly not without incident. Perhaps I'll write on that later.
Currently I'm at Spousal Unit's (SU) place on a visit. She is out being a venue manager at the Fringe Festival here. And as I look around the place, my eyes invariably fall on various items we had at the old house. As I look at them, I can't not think of where in that house they used to sit. I'd thought I wouldn't miss the old house much, as I hadn't felt attached to any place since leaving the house I grew up in. But it seems that 6 years in our house (in the middle of our street) had some effect.
Over the years we've moved many times, each time throwing away more or less "junk". During this last move we disposed of a hell of a lot of stuff. Things that we didn't need, didn't want, or just failed to have any meaning to us ended up in some scrap heap or other. And then I look around at what's left, and remember where it was. Some of it links back to where I grew up. A lot of stuff from back then was pitched or given away years ago, but I sometimes still think of it when I go on little tours of the old place in my mind. I lived there for 22 years, and I can still remember every detail. From the smell of old floor wax in the utility closet, to the dirty linoleum top of the workbench my father built in the basement, to the marks I put in the underside of the built-in desk in my room when I was about 6. The objects in this mental model are part of it. Some of them I still have. Many are gone. Sometimes it feels that by getting rid of them I'm throwing away my past. Or betraying my parents.
But I also see that they are just objects. Just things. And as I get older I realize that things just aren't that important. But I still feel that link to the past through them, either to my origin many years ago, or just to the last house we lived in. Seeing them here, in different, unfamiliar places just feels strange.